I don't like my mum. 

And I'm not just talking about today.  For years I spent thinking, my mother knows well, she is more experienced, I should do as I'm told. 
But then in my late teens I started to challenge a lot of what I had taken for gospel. I didn't like what I saw, but I would still comply 90% of time.

But now, I think I have reached the end of my patience with her. I haven't spoken to my mother for about 3 years now after learning about some of her atrocious behaviour.  
Do all parents just become unreasonable and stubborn as they get older? Or is just mine? She is so critically about everyone and essentially a hypocrite.

She was a strict parent growing up and I hear that when they become grandparents they begin to soften up in their old age- Not Mine.

I guess its hard not to think about her today but she brings it on her self, making it even harder for me to see past it and love her unconditionally like I did when I was younger. This isn't just a teenage phase when everyone hates their parents because they don't understand.  

I remember the days as kids we would save up in the weeks leading up to get her a big sparkly flowery card for Mothers' Day so she knew she was loved. One year I was a little short and persuaded my brother to had over a quid from his money so I could get the card had my eye on. We would delivery it to her in bed so it was first thing she got from us on the day.
One year I spent best part of 6 months with a school friend creating a patchwork cushion to gift her. I think I was 11 or 12. We basically went to a lot of effort each year.

Now I don't even want to see her, or look at her.
I don't want be like her.
I don't want to be compared to her.
It's sad that not everyone has a loving relationship with their Mum and can be strained like mine. 

But what it has put into perspective is how I go about my relationship with my children.

I want my kids to have a best friend in me, someone who supports them, has their back and is their biggest fan. If that is your mum give her the biggest cuddle today and tell her you love her- cos not everyone is that lucky.

Image by Marian Drew.


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