Inspirational quotes

Do you ever come across a quote that just hits the nail on the head. I saw one the other day.



The reason why this rang familiar to me is it's something I have done in the last few years. To explain I need to go into more detail.

I saw a post by a girl newly married on an online forum who wasn't being accepted by her in-laws, so much so that she was living separately since marriage and wasn't allowed to live in with her husband and his parents. I felt compelled to comment and told her to change her mindset and not to look for validation from them. If the Husband is prepared to move out and start life with you that is the way to go.

But I wish someone had told me that 20 years ago. Even though my hubby and I moved out within months of being married, I still sought for my in laws acceptance, love and affection. I guess as a new member of the family I wanted to fit in and was keen to please everyone. After all this was my family for the rest of my life.

But time and time again I was reminded that I was an outsider. 
For example, my style of cooking was not acceptable but no effort was made to teach me. (Thank god for Google cos that's where I learnt to cook Gujarati dishes.)
my sister-in-law would be asked to submit a list of what she wanted weeks prior, when they went to India, I was non-the-wiser until they returned with suitcases full of goodies, and then I would hear a 'well she never asked for anything!' So over the years I learnt to never ask and expect anything from them.

I wasn't allowed to conduct any hindu customs at my sister-in-laws wedding. My husband happily went along and did his. When It came to the group shot with the happy couple I walked the other way. Needless to say a couple of ladies from the boys side noticed and approached me during the wedding.

The Son-in-law behaves so rudely sometimes, but they say nothing and treat him with utmost respect by calling him 'Kumar' and 'Jamai Raja' I'm referred to as their Son's wife. I have never been referred to as their daughter-in-law when being introduced.

I don't get given any gifts, for Dunteras or Karva Chauth when traditionally Mother-in-laws make a fuss of their daughter in laws. One year I recall a family member purchased lime green sarees for her 3 daughter in laws for Diwali, specifically as they has seen me wear the colour at a wedding and I made it look good! My Mother-in-law decided to tell me about this but didn't once acknowledge that she should gift me something too.

They have neither purchased me a Birthday Cake in the last 20 years, and If I don't make one or order one for my Father in law for his birthday, I have to listen to it for the rest of the year.

In recent years when we dine together as a family, I make a point of not sitting with them to stand my ground. Sometimes my children join me on the sofa, but only if I'm watching something that peaks their interest.

Some may say that I'm the one losing out, maybe in the short term I am but if I continue to dine with them I'm silently accepting that I'm OK with their conduct towards me. What sort of example would I be setting my boys?




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